opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
