you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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