I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
