Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
