It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
