were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
