I think I died a long time ago.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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