Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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