If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
