is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
