His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
