When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
