U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The air was thick with penises
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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