I just threw up on my dentist
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
