the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
