I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
