i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
