thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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