so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
