Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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