you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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