So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think people are normalizing furries
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
