Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
