When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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