grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
