That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
