She's JV to your varsity
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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