9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
