WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
