Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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