My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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