Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
