somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
