You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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