sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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