Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
