So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i think im in europe. pls send help
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
