Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
