I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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