I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
