oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
