Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
