She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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