VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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