he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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