u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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