can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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