I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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