Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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