So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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