Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
